


Farewell Confessions

by Ahnyx



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 19:49:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4577628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ahnyx/pseuds/Ahnyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey there.  This is the first original fic I've published on any site.   It was a thought rolling around my head for a few days.  I had to get it out.  Hope you all enjoy.  Constructive feedback is always appreciated.</p><p>Completely original.  Characters and story are all mine.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Farewell Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there. This is the first original fic I've published on any site. It was a thought rolling around my head for a few days. I had to get it out. Hope you all enjoy. Constructive feedback is always appreciated.
> 
> Completely original. Characters and story are all mine.

She lays next to him listening to the slow, steady rhythm of his breathing. Her fingers lightly tracing the intricate pattern of ink on his shoulder. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. She loves to watch him like this. It’s rare for him to relax entirely. He always has something on his mind. Moments like this are some of her most treasured. She knows that eventually reality will crash in and destroy their serene escape. Deep down she knows it can never last. She knows they will both return to their lives. But she clings to whatever time they have together, cataloging every minute detail. The way his skin reacts to her touch, the small sighs he makes as she traces the artwork, his distinct scent that makes her feel safe. She’s committing it all to memory.

He can feel her fingers tracing the symbols on his shoulder. He knows if he moves the spell will be broken. She’ll quickly shower, dress and bolt. So he lays still, focusing on the feel of her fingers gliding over his skin. It sends a flood of heat through his body. Each brush of her hand amping up his need for her. He breathes slowly so as not to give himself away. He looks forward to these days, these moments. The rare occasions when she is his entirely. When he doesn’t have to hide behind his mask. These instances are so scarce. If he could stop time, he would. If he could keep her here with him always, he would.

Her mouth follows her fingers trailing over his skin. Her tongue outlines the inked design before she begins nipping at his skin. She loves the feel of his skin against her tongue. She feels his breath hitch as she alternates between kissing and biting his flesh. She knows he won’t resist and soon she’ll be writhing beneath him as he buries himself inside her. She so enjoys having him inside her. The mere thought floods her with needy heat. She lets a deep moan escape her lips.

He fights the urge to take her. He knows it will be hard, fast and intense. But it will also mark the end of their time together. He’ll never admit to the sorrow he feels. He’ll never allow her to see him so vulnerable. So when her teeth clamp down on his neck, he does the only thing he can and flips their positions. He’s hovering over her when his mouth assaults hers. They battle for dominance momentarily before she concedes. He tastes the remnants of the last round on her tongue. It was a unique flavor that he would never tire tasting.

Her head is spinning. He’s making her forget. With each stroke of his tongue, touch of his hands, thrust of his hips, she loses all sense. She’s lost herself in him again. There is no outside world, just the two of them moving as one in the dim candlelight. She moans as he enters her roughly. She’s more than ready. She wants him. She needs this to make her whole. Only with him does she actually feel. Only with him can she let her defenses down.

He thrusts into her at a punishing pace. His mouth swallows the sounds coming from hers. He feels her nails dig into the skin on his back. He breaks the kiss to watch her come undone beneath him. His desire to keep her with him causes him to slow his pace. His movements become more languid. His body telling her what his words cannot. He locks eyes with her, exposing every bit of his soul.

She knows how to handle rough sex. She craves it most days. What she can’t handle is the vulnerability. The intense emotion he’s showing her. That isn’t part of the arrangement. They weren’t supposed to get attached. Yet she can’t deny the warmth that spread through her as their eyes lock. For the first time in her life she feels something pure. Something not tainted by her past. Something that gives her hope. She keeps her eyes locked on his as he buries himself deep inside her and stills. She can feel him fully sheathed within her walls. She wants to arch into him. She wants him to keep moving, to push her over the edge once again.

He knows she’s close. He can see the burning desire in her eyes. He can’t hold off much longer either, but he needs her to know, to understand. He lowers his head and kisses her. Not the rushed, heated kiss they shared previously. This is a kiss of promises. He promises to be there. Vows to treasure her, to protect her. He assures her she can trust him. He declares his absolute love for her. When he breaks the kiss tears flow from her eyes. He’s finally found his words. His voice is rough and ragged as he whispers “I love you” and it’s like a dam has broken. He begins the slow and steady movements again. Pulling out and pushing himself in deeper with each thrust. His mouth spewing confessions of love, want and need. His pace quickens, pulling them both so close to the brink.

Her heart is full and breaking all at once. He’s declared his feelings and it scares the hell out of her. This isn’t about love. This isn’t about forever. It’s about carnal pleasure and satisfaction. It’s about relief from the mundane world outside. It’s supposed to be temporary. They never agreed to more. She knows she doesn’t deserve it. She can’t be what he wants, what he really needs. But in this moment she allows herself to get lost in his affections. She allows herself to believe it’s possible. As his movements become more insistent she arches into him. Dragging her nails down his back, leaving red trails in their wake. His moan echoes her own. Her mouth once again finds his neck, tasting the salty mix of skin and sweat.

The feeling of her tongue and teeth on his skin elicit a guttural sound from him. He hitches her leg higher over his hip and thrusts faster, deeper. Drawing nonsensical noises from her. He can’t help but smile at the sight and sound of her coming undone around him. He keeps the unrelenting pace, targeting just the right spot. He can feel her walls starting to clamp down on him. They’re so close. His body is overly sensitive and humming with energy. It won’t be long now. She’s mumbling something he can’t hear before she bites down on his shoulder pulling him over the edge with her.

She holds him close as they try to catch their breath. She’s still overcome by his declaration. They’ve been doing this for so long. It was never meant to be something so permanent. When he proposed the arrangement, she had been struggling with her own demons. It seemed like a great idea. A win-win if you will. She never liked being alone. It just left her time to fixate on all the horrible things in her world. So when he offered a no strings attached relationship, she jumped at the opportunity. After all, they had been friends for years. At least she didn’t have to worry about him hurting her, emotionally or physically. Until this very moment. Now, she couldn’t be so sure. Here she is, wrapped in the safety of his arms, reeling from his admission and terrified of what that means for their future. She had two options. She could walk away and never look back, breaking the heart of her best friend. It would destroy her very being losing him, but it may be what is best for him in the end. She isn’t entirely sure she can offer him anything more than their forbidden encounters. Sure, she could walk away, but is it really what she wants? The other option is just as disturbing. She could give him what he wants. She could indulge his declarations of love and adoration. She could go against every promise she ever made and throw caution to the wind. She could open her heart and soul up to him, leaving herself completely vulnerable. While losing him is absolutely terrifying, she’s not certain she can let herself be that open.

He can practically hear her contemplating their relationship. He knew when he finally gave in and confessed his love to her, he risked losing her entirely. She never left herself exposed enough to be hurt. He understood where she was coming from. If he had gone through half of what she had, he would probably refuse any inkling of love too. The problem remained, he loves her deeply. More than he ever thought possible. He couldn’t leave without her knowing that. It may ruin their relationship, but that was a risk he was obviously willing to take. After tomorrow, he may never see her again and he couldn’t board that plane leaving things unsaid. The thought of leaving her believing that no one would ever love her did not sit well with him. Today was supposed to be one last tryst. A farewell if you will. But the minute he let himself think about life without her, he couldn’t hide it any longer. It wasn’t fair to her. He’d known for years how he felt. Springing this on her now, in his bed, was borderline cruel. He wouldn’t even be here to handle the aftermath.

She feels the feather light touch of his fingers as he runs them up and down her arm. Her heart racing and her soul shattering. The choice was made, forever changing her life. There was no going back. She gently stopped his ministrations, giving his hand a tight squeeze. Her throat feels constricted and dry. She opens her mouth to tell him, but can’t find the words. Instead she kisses the palm of his hand before sitting up in bed. Silently she seeks out her previously discarded clothing. With a heavy heart she dresses and straightens her hair. She didn’t expect the end to hurt so much. It was never supposed to be about this kind of love. It was supposed to be casual. Then he went and broke all the rules. On top of that, he was leaving in a day. He wouldn’t even be here after tomorrow. What did he expect from her? She wants to be angry. She wants to yell and scream. She’s furious with him. But she can’t bring herself to do any of that. She reaches for the door and glances over her shoulder. She can see the heartbreak on his face. The guilt settles deep inside her. He’ll never forgive her for this. “I’m sorry.”

He watches as she walks out the door for the last time. He knows she won’t return. Hell, he won’t even be here tomorrow. He wants to regret telling her but he can’t. He knows she needed to hear it. That doesn’t make her absence any less painful. They say women are the emotional ones in relationships. He kind of wishes that were the case with them. Why couldn’t she be the one wrecked over this? Why wasn’t her spirit breaking instead of his? He’s angry and broken all at once. It’s as if he’s lost a part of himself. He’s not sure how long he’s been lying there. The candles have long since extinguished, leaving him in utter darkness. He chuckles morosely at that thought. The physical world reflecting his emotions. Glancing at the clock he calculates that he has maybe two hours before he must leave. It takes everything he has left to force himself out of bed to finish his packing.

She’s sitting at her counter staring into her tea. Her heart is ruined and she misses him already. She wanted to turn around the moment she left his embrace. It took her almost thirty minutes to pull out of his driveway when she left. It took another twenty minutes for her to get home. Once she arrived at home she went straight for her teakettle. She needed to calm her nerves. She had been sitting in the same spot since. Taking a sip of her tea she notices it’s gone cold. The thought makes her snort. She can’t help but think how fitting it is that her physical world matches her heart. Her heart would have to be cold for her to walk away from him like that. She thinks maybe she’s not meant to love anyone. She’s been broken for so long. With a sigh she pours the tea out and makes her way to her shower. She turns the temperature on high and begins pulling off her clothing. Slowly torturing herself, she inhales the familiar fragrance. She can smell their mixed scents on each piece. It’s enough to bring tears to her eyes. She knows she made the right choice, but that doesn’t mean she’s happy about it. She had to let him go. He deserves more, better.

His ride arrives right on time. He takes one last look at his house before handing the keys over to his sister. He’s not entirely sure how long he’ll be gone. Things are still up in the air. Nothing is set in stone yet. He’ll know more in a few weeks. His sister can sense something is off but doesn’t pry. He takes his seat in the car and stares out the window. Too soon they reach the airport. His sister pulls into the drop off zone and helps him unload his luggage. He hugs her tight and tells her to be good. With a sad smile she tells him to keep out of trouble and come home safe. They say their ‘I love yous’ and he waves as she pulls away. It’s hard and he almost regrets his choice to leave home. But deep down he knows this is his calling. This is where he is meant to be, no matter how difficult it is to leave. He checks his bag and passes through security in no time. It’s a small airport. As his sits in the semi-empty terminal he checks his phone. He has several messages from his family and friends. All wishing him safe travels. Several messages but none from the one person he wants to talk to most.

She steps from the punishingly hot shower and wraps herself in the soft towel. Her face is red due to a mix of tears and heat. She knows she should call him or at least send a quick text. He’s probably sitting in the terminal waiting to board his flight. She knows she should, but part of her thinks it’s better this way. A clean cut so to speak. She sighs and sets off to find her comfort clothes. There, in the back of her closet is his sweatshirt. The one that always makes her feel so safe. She pulls it over hear head and inhales, seeking out his unique scent, only to be disappointed. It’s been in her possession so long now, all she can smell is her detergent. Deflated, she rummages through her drawers for her favorite sweatpants. They’re old and fairly worn, but they are comfy. Dressed in her sulking clothes she falls into her bed. She refuses to note just how empty it feels.

His flight number is called for boarding. He makes his way toward the counter and hands the attendant his boarding pass. It doesn’t take long for him to find his seat and get situated. He glances at his phone again, still nothing from her. He can’t help but feel just how permanent this feels.

She stares at the angry red numbers on her clock. Another minute has passed. Another minute closer to his flight time. Another minute closer to him being gone. Ten minutes until his flight takes off and carries him out of her life forever. That thought breaks something in her. She jolts up in bed and scrambles to the kitchen in search of her phone. At least that’s where she thinks she left it.

The overly caffeinated attendant’s voice comes over the intercom. Notifying passengers that cabin doors will close shortly. Once the doors close all electronic devices will need to be put into airplane mode. It’s his last chance to hear from her. Of course he could call her once he lands, but deep down he knows she has to be the one to make the effort. He laid himself out there for her. Put it all on the line and she had left. She needs to be the one to make the next move. She’s not the type to respond to relentless hounding or excessive confessions of love and devotion. He knows her well enough to know she needs to process all of this. Even so, that doesn’t make it any easier. He wants so badly to send her a note. Telling her it’s okay. Letting her know it’s fine if she doesn’t love him back. Maybe if he could just send the text, maybe then he could fix their relationship. All these thoughts on his mind and he only has maybe five minutes before he’ll be out of communication. He pulls his phone from his pocket once more. One new notification. His heart races and he can’t help but laugh at himself. He knows he’s so the girl in this relationship. He unlocks the device and opens his messages. A smile spreads across his face as he reads the five words from her. Such powerful words, full of so much hope, such promise. ‘I love you too Marcus’.

Neither is sure how it will work. She swore she’d never trust her heart with anyone. She definitely did not like the idea that he had signed his life over to the military. But she does love him and that makes all the difference. She can’t imagine her life without him. He loves her. She doesn’t understand it, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t like it. His love makes her stronger. For the first time in her life she feels like she’ll be alright.

He knows they’ll have their battles. She is a stubborn woman who had a rough start. He knows she’ll get scared and likely try to run again. But he also knows the fight will be worth it in the end. He loves her. She loves him. That’s all they needed. They can figure out the rest together.


End file.
